Okay, where are the cameras? We're pretty sure the marriage between "Lost" actor Doug Hutchison and 16-year-old Courtney Stodden is one big joke for the new incarnation of Justin Bieber-hosted "Punk'd." Soon we'll find out that Stodden is a 45-year-old former adult film star.
Right? Right?
We have to believe that; there's no other way we can believe their relationship - and Stodden's over-the-top outfits, makeup and personality - is actually real. Plus, we have a hard time imagining Christian parents would allow their daughter to marry a man 34-years her senior.
Well, it looks like they'll continue the relationship for the foreseeable future, thanks to an upcoming reality show. Stodden remains oddly fascinating - thanks, in large part, to her Twitter postings.
Adjectives and Alliterations
Many of Stodden tweets revolve on her various stages of dress and sexual thoughts. Sexy? No way - she's 16 and that's still illegal in most states, guys. However, her sexy tweets are more hilarious than sexy - she sounds like a student who just learned about the different parts of speech in English class.
"Wildly wiggling & jauntily jiggling myself to jolting jams as I friskily flaunt a flirty outfit completed w/sexy white 7in. go-go boots! ;-)" Stodden tweeted on Thursday.
This tweet either refers to her husband and dogs, or to her breasts. We can't figure out which one.
"Wrapping myself up inside of this lovely late night as my delicate loved ones joyously join me in sweet conjunction; Family is Bliss! ;-x"
The thought of this tweet makes us tingle with laughter.
"Rolling playfully on top of a white feathery fur rug as the strings of my garter swing around my thighs & whip me! *Tuesdays are Tingly! ;-x"
Stodden might want to cover up when she's tweeting and cooking pasta. Boiling water can burn you - and is naked cooking even sanitary?
"Preparing the most pleasant plate of pasta in absolutely nothing but my plush peek 'a boo panties! Mmm... it tastes like perfection! ;-) XOs"
Dessert isn't even safe from Stodden's Twitter fingers.
"In the kitchen whipping up some syrupy splits before bouncing into bed for a sweet & finger-licking night! Yummm! ;-x"
We're all for regular skin moisturizing, but this makes lotion sound dirty.
"Lubricating my limber legs with a creamy lotion that electrifies my luminescent captivation, lustrously. It's Slippery Saturday! XOs! ;-)"
It's All For Jesus
We can't forget that Stodden is a good Christian girl with Christian values - she was a virgin when she married her husband, after all. She also remembers to say her prayers amidst tweeting about nudity.
"Saturated within a superb Sunday as Gods love beams brightly! 'There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear ... ' 1 John 4:18"
What do you think about Stodden's tweets: innocent ideas from a dangerously misguided girl, or one big joke?
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